Unfortunately, many women just aren’t getting the orgasms they want. Last year, Cosmopolitan published a large and well-organised survey which showed that:
Two-thirds of adult females aged 18-40 say that they have faked orgasm
72% said they’d been with a guy who climaxed himself — but didn’t even try to return the compliment
38% said they weren’t getting enough clitoral stimulation
50% said: ‘I often feel like I’m almost there – but can’t quite get over the edge.’
The most important thing for men to realise these days is that most women want orgasms.
A couple of generations or so ago, many adult females simply didn’t orgasm – and a lot of them weren’t bothered about it. Probably a lot of them didn’t actually know what an orgasm was.
And some doctors claimed that, for a huge proportion of women, it was ‘normal’ to have no experience of orgasm.
Indeed, as late as the 1970s there were still some GPs who maintained that the female orgasm didn’t exist – and was simply a myth made up by the media.
Luckily, all that has changed now. Today, medical opinion is that every woman should be able to have orgasms – if she wants to.
Furthermore, results from research carried out in the UK in 2014 suggest that the majority of women are capable of multiple orgasms – if they wish to have them, and if they have an understanding, helpful and knowledgeable partner.
In general, the ability to have multiple orgasms is greater in more mature women. This is not surprising, since the ability to achieve more than one orgasm takes a bit of learning.
What is a female orgasm?
We’re writing this explanation in the assumption that you – the reader – are male. But what follows will, we hope, be of interest to a lot of female readers too.
What happens in a woman’s body during a climax is very like what happens in your (male) body when you ejaculate. In other words, there’s a feeling of increasing excitement, building up to a point where everything ‘blows’ in a great blast of ecstasy.
This ‘orgasmic moment’ is characterised by surges of contractions in the sex organs, occurring almost every 0.8 seconds.
Men are well aware that these throbs of pleasure are accompanied by the pumping out of spurts of seminal fluid. Obviously this doesn’t happen in women.
A fairly small proportion of females do produce some fluid at orgasm, but the impression given in so many erotic stories that most women ‘ejaculate’ is not correct. Only a minority do this.
The other big difference between male and female orgasm is this: after the first climax, many women can ‘come’ again, often within a minute or two.
This ability is extremely rare in males. Relatively few young women can achieve multiple orgasm, because it’s an ability that usually has to be learned.
But with the help of a skilled lover, most women can eventually achieve the capacity for multiple orgasms – if they so desire.
Making women orgasm
For men perhaps the most important thing to realise about female climaxes is that with women, it’s not a mechanical thing – as it generally is with men.
You see, most males will ejaculate quite quickly if they have their penises rubbed. This applies even if the circumstances aren’t very romantic – or even if they don’t particularly like the person who’s doing the rubbing.
Women are not like this. Female orgasm isn’t a push-button response. The conditions have to be right. Although females vary, many women need the following if they’re going to orgasm easily:
A romantic atmosphere
Pleasant, comfortable surroundings
A partner who they really like
A feeling of being wanted and appreciated
A good flow of natural lubrication – so that the delicate parts don’t get sore
A skilled partner who knows how to stimulate the clitoris.
Unless you can provide the above, you are not going to have great success in giving your partner orgasms.
Please bear in mind that – contrary to what many men think – sexual intercourse by itself is not likely to produce an orgasm. This is because intercourse alone is not very good at stimulating the woman’s clitoris.
Recent research shows that most females need additional stimulation of the clitoris by fingers or mouth.
So, try not to give the impression to your female partner that she ‘ought’ to be able to climax through intercourse alone, and that that is what you think of as ‘proper sex’.
The sex menu can be a varied one. Some women, for example, find it really easy to climax through oral sex – particularly if the guy is patient and sensitive to what his partner wants.
And how does he find out what she wants and what turns her on? Well, a wise man will ask her. What he should not do is to assume that his technique is flawless and that if his partner does not come, it’s her fault.
Plenty of men think that because a previous girlfriend always came a certain way, this one should follow suit. Women are not all the same in their likes or dislikes. So do try to treat your partner as an individual.
Many women like much more foreplay or love play than men imagine. They want to feel that the man is keen on giving pleasure – and not just in a hurry to have his own climax.
In fact, the worst thing a man can say to a woman is: ‘Haven’t you come yet?’ This is likely to make her feel extremely inadequate and will ruin any build-up of sexual pleasure and tension that might have been taking place.
Finally, do consider using a vibrator to give her pleasure and bring her to orgasm. These days, a very high proportion of women have tried vibrators – and in most cases have found them enjoyable.
The main reason for this is the fact that these little sex aids vibrate far faster than a partner’s finger can. So they can produce very, very intense stimulation around the region of the clitoris (and elsewhere). The result is usually an orgasm.
9 tips to make your girlfriend orgasm
In summary, here’s what to do if you want to bring your partner to orgasm regularly:
Don’t be in a rush
Don’t be too demanding – it’s not an Olympic event
Talk to your partner, and ask her what she wants you to do to her
Always create a romantic atmosphere
Make sure that everything is comfortable and nice for her
Give her lots of kisses and cuddles before you even think about making any approach to her genitals
When you do start to stroke, rub or kiss her genitals, don’t rush into ‘attacking’ her clitoris. Take things gently, and see what she wants
Use her own natural lubrication to moisten her clitoris. (If she is over 35, it may be a good idea to use some additional lubrication from a chemist or a sex shop)
Remember that stimulation of the clitoris is the key to female orgasm
Sometimes encourage her to ‘boss’ your sex sessions. You can learn a lot by watching how she stimulates herself, or by really listening to her when she tells you she wants a particular sex position, or a particular caress.